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Ask And It Shall Be Revealed
By June Enright, 26 Mar 02:58
Your first few dates with a new potential mate should not feel like a job interview. But you definitely want to make sure you ask the right questions.
Ask and it Shall be Revealed
Questions that will give you more than a simple answer
You want to get to know your new date, but you don’t want to just rattle off a list of questions. Well, consult this list for questions you can ask that fit nicely into the flow of a conversation and will give you more than a yes or no answer. With these questions, you will get to know your date better than they think you did.
Some general tips for asking questions during your first few dates:
-Keep questions positive. Instead of asking “what’s the worst—“ or “what do you hate about-“ try to find questions that will illicit a positive response. This will keep your date thinking about positive things and associating those positive things with you. Also, you will ensure a pleasant conversation that makes both of you smile.
-Listen after you ask. Don’t ask questions just to check the “look interested” box off your to do list. Make sure to listen actively after you ask your question. Active listening involves maintaining eye contact, remember details and contribute to the conversation without talking over their answer.
-Keep it personal, but light. Ask questions that will clue you into who the person is, but don’t go too deep. Avoid asking personal questions about religion or traumatic events. While you may be curious about these things, wait for a more solid relationship before asking them. Even if your date hints at serious issues under the surface, avoid taking the bait. Let more time pass and your relationship strengthen before tackling tough questions.
-Avoid asking “what do you think of me” questions. While it is fine to check in and see if your date is having a good time, asking questions about how you look, if they think your jokes are funny, etc. Questions like this will make you look insecure and put undue pressure on your date to please you instead of being free to enjoy themselves…and you.
What’s the Nicest Thing Anyone Has Done For You?
This will let you know what your date values. If your date says that the nicest thing someone has done for them was buying them an expensive gift, then you know your date values material items. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s good to know.
Pay attention to the answer to find out if your date values items, family, friends, work, pets—it could be anything. It’s not necessary for you to value the exact same things. But knowing what they value will help you to know where they are coming from, and how to turn their heads.
What’s Your Dream Job?
This will let you know about your dates goals and ambitions. If you date’s dream job is to be a kept spouse, that’s helpful advice to know before continuing this relationship. It is important not to judge their response. Their career goals are just as valid as yours even if they are quite different.
What’s Your Dream Vacation?
This will let you know more about what your date likes to do for fun. If your date mentions a relaxing vacation on the beaches of Hawaii, then they’re probably more low-key and would enjoy activities that were relaxed and mellow—casual dinners, walks by the water, or a movie. If your date mentions museum hopping in Paris, then a trip to an art exhibit or independent film might be a good second date choice. Or if they mention a weekend in Vegas, that signals they might be fun loving and carefree and might be up for almost anything!
What’s Your Favorite Book or Movie?
This will let you know what inspires your date: Humor, love, adventure, mystery. It will also give you a hint as to what movie to take your date to next or a book to buy as a gift.
What Would You Do If You Won the Lottery?
Like most of these questions, this question will let you know what your date values. Whether your date says travel, give it to charity or buy a big car, you will definitely have a clear idea of what your potential partner finds important and valuable and whether or not you two have these internal traits in common.
The answers to these questions should not discourage you. They should simply help you better understand your date and how you two may one day relate.
Tags: dating, questions, first date